Maybe you have seemed up a partner’s ex’s Instagram of interest? (Er, bad.) And has you to curiosity ever before provided your down a rabbit opening off searching to possess information and you can, perhaps, low-key cyberstalking all of them? Yeah, for those who wound-up getting for the a photograph off their large school graduation, you’ve probably scrolled too much. And additionally, you may be feeling retroactive jealousy.

Unlike the garden variety green-eyed monster, retroactive jealousy (RJ) describes an obsession or feelings of envy related to your partner’s past, typically around their previous romantic or sexual relationships, explains Kate Balestrieri, PhD, a licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and founder of Progressive Closeness.

Jacqui Gabb, PhD, is a professor of sociology and intimacy at The Open University, a public research university in Milton Keynes, England, and Chief Relationships Officer at Matched.

It is known as “retroactive” since it concerns becoming envious in the something currently took place and you will can not be changed, rather than envying anyone or something like that going on regarding the right here and from now on, Balestrieri contributes.

When you find yourself looking over this and you will convinced, “Wow, in the morning We the problem?”-pause to own a second. It is very important remember that effect jealous is normal and not most of the kinds of retroactive envy is actually clearly unsafe. Instead, it’s just a feeling to take notice out of (more on one after).

To come, discover what reasons retroactive jealousy, what are specific cues that you might have it, and you may you skill if you’re ruminating more than their lover’s exes.

What exactly is retroactive envy?

Beyond are very interested (and maybe even possessed) and envious from a partner’s early in the day relationships, retroactive jealousy usually takes the shape out-of comparing yourself to their ex(es), states Balestrieri. So, instance, you can believe that a partner’s previous mate is actually smarter, most readily useful looking, otherwise ideal in bed, whenever that may never be possible.

Retroactive jealousy ount out of intimate and you will sexual lovers their significant other has had before. Instance, someone that have RJ you’ll encourage themselves you to definitely the S.O. had finest sex using their early in the day companion(s) than these are generally with using them, Balestrieri states.

“It does very talk about lots of pain to have people as with the spouse having RJ, they are often fixated into the knowing the information on its partner’s previous relationship, wanting to know in the event the their spouse was considering otherwise thinking regarding their ex, if not researching the most recent reference to its earlier experiences,” she teaches you.

You’ll want to keep in mind that retroactive jealousy can be made worse of the electronic equipment such as social network, making it simpler to-fall towards the such bad consider designs.

It used to be that you could take down a physical picture of your ex, get rid of the photo albums, burn the love letters, and any trace of your past relationship would be pretty much gone, explains Jacqui Gabb, PhD, a professor of sociology and intimacy at The Open University, a public research university in Milton Keynes, England, and Chief Relationships Officer at Paired. Now, your exes may reappear or linger through some sort of digital trace. “There’s almost an intensification of retroactive jealousy because there’s a greater capacity for exes to be present in kissbrides.com allez voir ces gens your life through social media, even if you’re not close friends with them anymore.”

What’s the difference between retroactive envy and you may normal jealousy?

When thinking about the difference between RJ and regular ol’ J, you want to think of it in terms of an active threat versus an inactive one, says Emily Simonian, LMFT, a licensed ily therapist based in Washington, D.C. and head of clinical learning at Thriveworks. Regular jealousy about something happening in the moment serves more of a purpose (i.e. safeguarding your relationship or taking action when your partner crosses a boundary), whereas, because it’s over a past occurrence, retroactive jealousy doesn’t really have anywhere to go. In other words, this form of jealousy is often unfounded.